I never wanted kids. I was never the girl who grew up dreaming of her wedding day or one who had the names of her kids written down in her phone. It wasn’t until I met my now husband, Ronnie, when that started to change. Something inside of me shifted and I knew in my heart that I wanted to start a family with this guy…I guess that’s what they call “love”.
Last year in August we decided to start “not-trying-trying” for a baby. First things, first, get off birth control. I made an appointment with my gyno to have the copper IUD removed, which I’ve had for the past 6 years. During this process, some “abnormal cells” were found in my cervix. Various tests and a few anxiety attacks later, doctors came to the conclusion, that the “abnormal cells” were scar tissue from the IUD and will regenerate over the next few months. Pheeww!
I asked my doctor “So now what?”, to what she replied, “You get pregnant! Start taking prenatal vitamins”. Sure enough, a couple of months later, my period was late and the home test was positive. I called my doctor to make an appointment, and that’s when I learned that they don’t see you until you’re 7-8 weeks pregnant.
When I was about 6 weeks pregnant, I started “spotting”, which they alluded to implantation bleeding. On Thanksgiving night, I got food poisoning from a salad I ate, making that night one of the most physically challenging nights of my life. I was sick for six hours straight—I thought I was going to die! The next day, I called my doctor, because at this point I was bleeding as if I had gotten my period. Being Thanksgiving weekend, the office was closed and I had to wait until Monday to come in. The following week they ran blood tests to check my hCG levels, which significantly dropped day after day, bringing us to the conclusion that I had suffered what they consider an “early miscarriage”. Doctors weren’t really fazed (apparently it’s VERY common) they suggested I waited 3 months for my body to settle down and to go back to normal… and then try again!
A miscarriage is a very emotional experience, makes you want to crawl in your bed and not want to leave for days. Which I did for a day or two. But then I decided that this wasn’t the way I was going to heal and move on. I decided to share what had happened to me with my family and friends, to learn that 50% of the women I talked to, had suffered a miscarriage at some point in their life. This is the real healing—when you’re able to connect to people at a deeper level and end up helping each other heal in truly unimaginable ways. We used the miscarriage as an opportunity to run all types of tests, we wanted to make sure everything was ok before we tried again—and it was.
Three months later we were ready to try again. A friend of mine had gifted me an ovulation kit for my birthday because this is how she conceived her son. I quickly learned that the ovulation kit wasn’t going to work for us—it was just bad! I finally threw my hands in the air, and told my husband: “My love, whatever happens will happen. I love you. Plus, I don’t even want to be pregnant this summer—we have a big trip planned”. We make plans and God laughs. With conception and with life in general, all we can do is show up, surrender, and trust the perfect timing of the Universe. There is a lesson and an opportunity for growth in everything that happens to us. Feels surreal, but I’m SO happy to share that Baby Vogel is coming early 2020!
